Even Fairy Tales Get Rough

Daniel and I decided to write a blog about our recent troubles. We debated for a little while about whether or not we would tell everyone, because the fact of the matter is that not everyone will understand. Not everyone will agree, and a lot of people will even think we are foolish or stupid. But this is our real story, real feelings, real circumstances.

*Although these events really happened, names, places and minor details have been changed to protect the identities of those involved.

Daniel and I knew before we even started dating that we both wanted to adopt children one day. We both felt that it was a part of our calling as separate people, and now our calling as a couple. Talking about it for several years now, we believed we would adopt a child/children after we finished having our own biological children. But like always, things changed. 

A friend called me up last week to tell me that a mutual friend of ours was pregnant. It wasn't a happy occasion, though. It was an unwanted pregnancy. She was going through a lot of changes in her life, and just couldn't handle a baby right now. So she planned an appointment with Planned Parenthood to get an abortion. When my friend told me about it, I told Daniel, and we immediately knew in our hearts' that we had to do something. We called my friend back and told her "we will adopt the baby if she doesn't go through with the abortion." 

Our mutual friend said she needed to think about it, because right now she needed to focus on herself and make the right choice for her own circumstances. She was going through her own personal battles, and we understood that. But we continued to pray that God would speak to her and she would not take the decision to get the abortion. 

Over the next few days, we began to dream of what it would be like to raise this child. What would we tell this child when they got older? We dreamed of their first moments: first word, first day at school, first best friend, first date, first kiss, the day they bring their future husband/wife home to meet us, their wedding day, etc. Slowly but surely we fell in love with a child we would never hold in our arms. We fell in love with a child that, to us, was worth it all. We were willing to give up so much, and give this child all we had! If it meant saving this life, giving this life opportunities that otherwise wouldn't be available, we were ready to do it. This child didn't grow inside of me, but I felt like it was already a part of me.

Earlier this week I received a text from my friend. It was simple: "She went through with it. I'm sorry."

It felt like all of time stopped in that one moment. A life that once was, wasn't anymore. Just like that, the child was gone. I couldn't do anything about it, I couldn't change the mother's mind, I couldn't save this life. I sat there, helpless, all the emotions welling up inside of me. All the emotions except one: hate. I didn't hate her. She took this life and basically flushed it down the toilet, but I wasn't angry. I felt sadness. Sadness for this lost child, and sadness for this mother, my friend. I can only hope that when she realizes what she's done, God will be there to comfort her. That she will feel His love overwhelming her; His grace covering her. That is my hope and prayer for her.

As for the baby, (and YES, it was a baby), I will love that child forever. I can't explain it, but one day I will meet that child and finally hold them in my arms. That child is waiting in heaven for the people he/she never got to meet, with only love and forgiveness in their heart for the same woman who aborted him/her. I truly believe that. 

If it was a girl, we were going to name her Esther, because in the Bible Esther stopped the annihilation of an entire group of people. Although this is a tragedy, Daniel and I will continue in our calling to adopt children. We believe in saving lives that are unwanted, standing up for those who can't stand up for themselves - saving them from certain annihilation.