An Extravert In A Foreign Country

Lately I haven't been blogging much, simply because I don't have the time. I have been incredibly busy tutoring multiple people in English, trying to learn how to be married and everything that goes with that - blogging just hasn't fit into the schedule. Instead, I took to Facebook status' to keep everyone updated about my life. Unfortunately, I get an incredible amount of negative feedback in my inbox from people who don't agree with my viewpoints on living in another country. However, I'd like everyone to know that they are not exactly my "opinions" but my honest experiences. HERE, I will give you my full opinion AND experience since moving to Colombia.

Preface: I am going to be generalizing a large group of people labeled "Extraverts." Not all extraverts are the same, and everyone has different experiences, depending on your personality and level of comfort with people. But I am going to be telling you my experiences and opinions, as an extravert.

Before moving to Colombia, I was extremely outgoing without even a hint of "shy" anywhere inside of me. I am a tell-it-like-it-is person, and always eager to discuss pretty much any topic, as long as it meant socialization. I'm going to discuss the difficulties I have experienced, as an extravert, since moving to Colombia.

1. Extraverts Process Externally

The Fact: As an extravert, I process my feelings externally; I NEED to talk about everything with at least 2 different people, get their opinions and wisdom, and afterwards feel energized by pouring my heart out to them. I absolutely do not feel energized when I process how I am feeling internally. I feel trapped, and usually very sad, if I can't talk about my experiences openly with people.

The Problem: When you move ANYWHERE new, it takes time to create bonds with people. Especially the kind of bond that allows you to pour your heart out in happiness, or heartache, without freaking the other person out. So you go through weeks, months, and for some people years, not feeling a heart connection with the people around you, and find it very difficult to talk about your feelings, forcing you to process them internally, which leads to frustration. This has been my experience. Although I am an extravert, I am not SO extraverted that I am willing to process my deep personal feelings with people who don't understand my heart. 

2. Extraverts Like To Talk A LOT

The Fact: I enjoy talking about anything and everything, with anyone and everyone. I love contributing to a conversation, and can usually articulate my ideas very well. I almost always know exactly what I want to say, when I want to say it, and to whomever I want to say it to. 

The Problem: My first language is English, and I am living in a country whose first language is Spanish. If I muster up enough courage to say anything at all, it is not well thought out or pleasing to the ears. It sounds like a bunch of words thrown together, trying to sound like an idea, but it's just not quite there yet. This is incredibly challenging to the extravert in me. When I listen to people exchanging ideas, I want to be a part of that, but just can't say what I want to say! Either I don't know how to say it, or I'm afraid I won't say it right. There isn't always someone around who can translate for me, so I'm left there just listening, not contributing at all.

3. Extraverts Are Energized By Being Around Other People

The Fact: I briefly mentioned this in my first point - in order to feel energized emotionally and socially, I need to be around other people. I do not feel energized being alone, reading a book, listening to music, or watching a movie. I can feel incredibly energized doing any of those things, as long as I am doing it with others'. The entire experience of socializing is 100% energizing: exchanging ideas about life, talking about problems/solving problems, cooking together, watching a movie together, taking walks - all of those things energize me in a social setting.

The Problem: Sometimes (and this is not all of the time; again, it depends on your personality and circumstances), when you go into a situation that is completely different from what you're used to, you tend to retreat inside of yourself like a turtle retreats inside of its shell. My happy-extravert-self says "go out and be with people, even if you can't say anything! Just don't stay at home all day!" but my slightly wounded extravert-self says "don't go outside! Stay put and wait for your hubby to come home!" It is a constant battle inside of myself. I don't want to go outside and be disappointed or get lost or freak out when I can't think of something to say, but I definitely don't want to stay home all day alone!

4. Extraverts Are Usually Very Sensitive To Rejection and Judgement

The Fact: That statement is not always true, but is true a lot, especially with extraverted women and more sensitive extravert personality types. Because we are constantly putting our ideas on the table, we are constantly getting shot down or told that our ideas are worthless/inappropriate/false/unimportant, etc. And that's in our own society, among our friends and relatives.

The Problem: Now you're in a totally different world, different society, different culture of people with totally different ideas about life. As an extravert, it can be very hard, and sometimes even wounding, to try to put your ideas into the conversation, only to have them totally ignored or discounted. I understand that my ideas are different because I grew up in a different culture, and I'm not saying that my ideas are better, I'm just saying my ideas and hoping they are taken seriously. As an extravert, I simply want to be involved in the process of exchanging ideas and talking about the differences - not told that my ideas or experiences are wrong or bad, but just accepted in the conversation as simply "another idea."

The best advice I can give to any extravert looking to move into another culture of people, is this: study them first, and if they speak another language, learn it first! Also, these are just my experiences, and could be totally different from yours! Again, I believe it depends on a lot of different things, especially your level of openness, how your grew up, and if you have any insecurities in your life (although, I think we all have a few).

I will say that I have learned, and continue learning valuable life lessons through these experiences. Sometimes, as an extremely outgoing person, I can miss little, yet important, details because I am rushing to say what I think or go be with the next person. Sometimes I don't realize that quieting your soul is an important part of life, and can't be overlooked, even for an extravert. Or, perhaps I don't understand the meaning of patience or "waiting," and need that in my life. Either way, I believe God has us go through seasons, not always easy, and there is always a lesson to be learned in the middle of it!