Princes and Princess'

Prince:

1. a person who is chief or preeminent in any class or group.

2. a person possessing admirably fine and genial characteristics.

3. a man who is a ruler of a principality.

Princess:

1. the consort of a prince (the wife of a prince).

2. a woman who is a ruler of a principality.

3. regal.

I think it's about time we step into the roles we were created to lead all along. Men, be the princes God has called you to be. Treat women as if they were jewels, and they will treat you as princes. Women, treat men with respect and don't act spiteful or overbearing - be a princess, so he can feel free to draw out your beauty with his strength. It says in Proverbs 31:10 "An excellent wife, who can find? She is far more precious than jewels." Be excellent women, and they will treat you as jewels (and I don't mean for you to be perfect).

We need to realize who we are. "...in the heart of every man is a desperate desire for a battle to fight, an adventure to live, and a beauty to rescue." -John Eldredge, Wild At Heart. Men want to swoop in to the rescue! Be a princess, women. Let him be the prince. It's okay to let him save you - let him be the man, and you be the woman.

I like to practice being a princess on my brothers. If I can be so secure in my royalty, as to treat my brothers around me as the princes they are, then I know I will be ready to treat my future husband that way.

Gardens

"Jesus let me see Your eyes. Let me feel Your embrace. Let me feel You all around me. Like Moses I'm crying "show me Your glory". Let me see what he longed to see. And just like Mary, God I'm choosing the good part...to sit here at Your feet. Just to sit here at Your feet."

"I was made to gaze all of my days. I was made to gaze on beauty. My Beloved is beautiful."

-Cory Asbury

One thing I have learned this week is that nothing is sweeter than my time with Jesus. I know that's something I should have learned a long time ago, and perhaps it was head knowledge, but now I know. From the core of my being, I know nothing can top the love of my Beloved. I can see a change in myself and in the way I respond to Him, just by knowing that no one and nothing is better than Him.

I don't know how to explain it at all. Something has shifted this week. I can't talk about Jesus without a deep desire for Him, or worship without crying or laughing. I can't say "Jesus is so Holy" without knowing it, and letting it sink deep inside of me. Just saying "He is so good to me. He is so faithful to my heart" makes me smile, and even begin to laugh. When other people talk about Him, I smile as if they were talking about my husband. I smile because they're talking about the One I spend every day with...and I love Him so much. I want all of my time to be spent with Him.

He enjoys taking me different places. One place in particular is a beautiful garden. There is a single park bench that overlooks the entire garden. There are vines that grow all around the garden, with different color flowers, but lily's in particular (because they're my favorite). There's always a sunset. No matter how long we spend there, the sun always stays at the edge of the horizon. I think it's because He knows sunset is my favorite time of the day, and one of my favorite things about nature. It's just like Him, too, to want to show me all the things I love. He knows how to woo us; how to make His way into the whole of our hearts.

Another thing He enjoys doing with me, is kissing me on my nose and forehead. To me, that's an extreme sign of intimacy. I never ask Him to, or think about it before He does it. It's always unexpected, but so wonderful. I will lean into Him, He will usually tell me something He loves about me like "you're so adorable", and then- He wins me heart over and over again. He never abandons the wooing process. He likes to take His time, and win me over a step at a time. I enjoy every moment of it. Looking into His eyes, feeling His embrace, letting Him tell me I'm beautiful, dancing with Him - all of it brings me closer to Him. Ask Him to give you eyes to see Him - to see how He is trying to woo your heart.

Jesus likes to tell us secrets

I have a unique connection with Jesus, where He seems to enjoy telling me things about other people. For the most part, I don't ask Him to tell me things about them; He just does. Usually, I will be in conversation with someone, or be passing by them, or just listening to them speak, when God will tell me something about them. He usually has one of two motives in this: One, for me to encourage that person with a word. Two, for me to further know that person and know how God sees them and their heart (this includes not telling the person what God showed me about them...which can sometimes be hard, especially if it's outrageously cool).

I like to remember the things He says about that person, because it gives me a lot of insight into who they are and what their hearts look like. However, often times I won't remember a single word of the prophecy I gave them, because it wasn't for me at all - it was only for them. I don't usually like to even call it a "prophecy", because to me it isn't. To me it's just a secret God wants to let me in on, and it usually just comes out of my relationship with Him. Whatever you would like to call it, though, I really do enjoy walking in it. It gives me special eyes and a special heart. I can now see people the way He sees them. Maybe not fully, but partially. I love it, either way.

Returning

Tonight I spent time with Jesus in a way I normally don't (but should more often). He took me to a lighthouse and sat with me for a while and told me all the things He loves about me. Some of the things He said He loved so much, I haven't done (or said) in a long time. I would turn to Him and give Him a strange look, and He would smile and say "that's still a part of who you are. And I love that about you." Some of it was so simple, like "I love that you are bubbly." I know He must have said this for a reason, because right before I went with Him I was thinking of how I wasn't as bubbly, or happy as I once was and how I wished I could return to it. And of course, my insecurity got to me this past week and I began to believe those little lies in my ears. He broke all of that off with the truth He spoke.

"I love when you laugh." This past week I was sitting in the conference and kept bursting out with my little bubbly laugh, and finally the man I was sitting next to turned to me and said "you have a very annoying laugh". I almost burst into tears right there. I had never thought about my laugh like that before, and I sure do LOVE to laugh. I didn't think I let it get to me too bad, until the next day when I told two of my friends about it, and realized how deep I let it go. Jesus broke that lie off of me by just saying "I love when you laugh".

"I love how excited you get over little things". Sometimes I think of myself as silly because I get so excited over small things. Like the color orange, or the fact that someone offers me my favorite drink when I'm at their house, or when I get a voicemail, or when someone has a prophetic word for me, or when someone writes on my wall on facebook (haha), etc. But Jesus told me He loves it.

"I love your hands." When He said this He took my hand in His and put a ring on my finger. I felt like I just became His. All His. :)

So, after talking with Jesus for while longer, I decided to see myself the way He sees me. He told me "you'll be better off that way, anyway". I laughed out loud when He said that. Jesus is a pretty funny guy (also really romantic. He loves kissing us). I'm returning to who I was originally planned to be.

Journal

At the beginning of the school year we were told to make journals. We did it in class, together, and the one I made was pretty good. It's mostly black and white, with a lot to do about love. Since I already had a journal, and wasn't even half way through with it, I decided to use the one I was making to write down my prophetic words and dreams/visions, etc. I had no idea I would be writing this much. The book is full of words I've gotten, and dreams I've had.

It's interesting to see - once you surround yourself with people who are constantly listening to what God might be speaking to them, you get a lot more prophetic words than before. I've decided that prophetic words are my love language (we can just put that in Words of Affirmation).

Letters

God encouraged me to write a letter to my future husband. It's funny, because it's something I used to do a lot as a little girl (8-13 years old). The letters were cute, not very well written and usually went something like this: "I can't wait to meet you. You're probably very very handsome. When I marry you I won't have to live with my parents anymore. We will have lots of fun together. And I'll be able to kiss!" Ha. I laugh at myself now, but really, how many 8 year olds (or even 13 year olds) are invested in a HUSBAND and not just a cute little boy they have a crush on? I was totally believing for a prince charming. I still am, of course, but I think as I got older I started to lose sight as to what prince charming would look like. I'm going back to that.

This past week I told Kris Vallotton what I had learned so far in school. It wasn't until later that I really thought about my answer. I said that I was learning to see myself as royalty, and I didn't mind being called princess. Well, if I'm royalty then I will marry royalty as well. Aka, prince charming. Hmm. So I wrote a letter to him.

The Secret Place

"I wrestled the angel for more than a name. For more than a feeling, for more than a cause. I'm singing 'Spirit take me up in arms with You', and You're raising the dead in me...life is not what I thought it was twenty-four hours ago. Still, I'm singing 'Spirit take me up in arms with You.'" -Jon Foreman

Holy Spirit shows us if we have the wrong mindset. WE are the ones with the responsibility to change it (with the help of our Daddy, of course :). I did that today. I don't even feel like the same person I was 24 hours ago. I changed my view on something so radically, I don't think I'll be the same again. It's amazing that I'm going through school right now at Bethel, getting all of these teachings and wisdom, but the biggest impacts seem to happen in my secret place with the Father. The biggest revelations are things I may not tell a single soul. Things other people may never notice, but I can feel the difference.

I can sit in class all day saying "Tru dat" or "Come on", but the fact of the matter is, when I'm silent with Jesus that's when I'm changing. That's when I have healing. It's so wonderful.

Home

"Home. Let me come home. Home is wherever I'm with you." -Edward Sharpe & the Magnetic Zeros.

I can be home on earth now. Ever since Jesus said to bring heaven to earth, He was giving us permission to be at home. A lot of people say that we're just renting these bodies until we die and go home (heaven). But I think it's more than that. I think we're meant to bring home here. We can experience everything wonderful about heaven right now. Papa is my heart. If home is where the heart is, then I'm always at home.

"Home is wherever I'm with you." This is true. If God is with me, then I can feel at home wherever I'm at. Heaven, God, etc, are all mysteries. But I want to discover them. Knowing that they're only a whisper away makes everything so much more enjoyable.

Goodbye.

I love relationships so much. I hate leaving people, and saying goodbye. I connect easily with others, which goes right to my heart. I don't consider everyone a best friend, but I do consider a lot of people close friends. People whom I love, and would die for. It's so hard for me to leave what I know and travel far away. Maybe I depend too much on those around me, but all I know is that I love these people and I don't want to say goodbye all over again.

The whole time I've been home visiting, I've been thinking how different it is here from school. How much more pleasant it is on the other side of the fence. But now that it's my last night in town I'm trying hard not to break down crying. Through all of my family's bickering and yelling and troubles - and all the drama my friends are going through, it's still SO hard to say goodbye. My little brother always reminds me of this. Tonight I came home to find him sitting upstairs waiting for me. He gave me a long 3 minute hug, which brought several tears to my eyes, and said "I love you, Sarah" with a shaky voice. OH - MY - GOSH. What is this kid trying to do to me? Make me regret leaving? That could make any woman cry her eyes out. The fact is, no matter what your life is like on the other side of the fence, your family and close friends can NEVER be replaced. You will always have a place in my heart. Forever.

Oh, to be a mother

Every time I take care of children it reminds me how much I want my own. My desire to have kids is WAY bigger than most single women. I haven't even started dating someone and I already have this deep want to have my own kids. I always question myself like "Is this okay? Is this something I'm allowed to want right now?" I always end up asking someone else and they usually answer with "You're too young to worry about that. Be a 'kid' for as long as you can."

The thing is, I don't feel like a kid. I mean, I'm silly and childlike, but I don't feel like a kid. I feel like a grown woman who wants children. I look at all of my 30+ friends who aren't married but want to be. They've waited a long time, and are STILL waiting, and here I am at only 18 years old wanting to have kids now. People always think I'm just so discontent and naive. Discontent isn't the right word - impatient, however, for a promise to be fulfilled is probably how I would describe my state of mind. I want kids. I was promised that I would be a mother. And I'm holding onto that. I'm chasing after it. You can call that discontent, or being naive, or whatever else. I know, though, that mothering is what I was created for (partially, of course), and I'm not letting go of that.