A Letter to My Students

Dear student,

I know we have only known each other for a couple of months, but I feel like we've known each other for a much longer time. I don't know if you know this, but I talk about you to my family all of the time. Sometimes I think my husband wants me to stop talking about you so much. ;)

There are some things I want you to know. The first is that I am 100% dedicated to your growth, not only in your knowledge of English, but in every aspect of your life. I want you to grow up to be good people who serve your communities and love your neighbors with the love of God. I want to see you grow up to be successful and independent adults who are able to conquer whatever mountain is standing in your way. I believe, with all of my heart, that you can do anything you set your mind to. With perseverance, passion and the Grace of God, you can and will make your dreams a possibility! You are bright, intelligent, and full of character. You will conquer the world! I want you to know, if you are standing alone in front of a giant and you need backup, I will be in your corner! You can count on me to cheer you on in all of your endeavors!

The second thing I want you to know, is that you are not alone. I know sometimes you feel alone even in the middle of a crowd of people, but you are not alone. You have people who are with you, who are praying for you every day. I don't know if you know this, but I pray for you all the time. Whether it's on a day of a test, or if you are having trouble with your family, I am praying for your success. When you tell me about your life, your words don't fall to the ground. I am always remembering what you tell me, and praying for God to be with you in the midst of your struggles. You are always on my mind, even when I go home at night! I pray for you more than I pray for myself.

The third thing I want you to know, is that you are important. There are some students who need a little extra attention in the classroom, and sometimes outside of the classroom, but that doesn't mean I don't see you. You are just as important, and I see everything you are doing (or not doing in class ;)) so that I can better help you in the future. Do not ever think you are not important to me, or that I don't see your successes! Every time you do something right, or better, I am ecstatic! I only want to see you succeed! 

To be honest, I never thought I was capable of loving this many people at the same time, but you have proved me wrong. Every one of you. In the future years when I hear about your many successes, I will remember back to the time when we sat in English class together and talked about your dreams and goals, and I'll say to myself "I always knew they could do it! I never doubted for even a second!"

You're a cool kid, and that's an important thing to remember - you're still a kid. Don't be in a hurry to grow up so fast! Enjoy this time with your friends and family, and be happy in this moment.

Your English Teacher, and biggest fan,

Sarah. 

Ps: I'll be happy if even one of my own kids turns out to be as awesome as you! 

When Your Prayers Go Unanswered

Everyone loves to talk about the amazing miracles God performs; healing, promises fulfilled, prophecy, good deeds, etc. I love all of those testimonies, and will never say anything bad about them or question their accuracy, because I believe God is a big God and definitely works miracles.

But nobody wants to talk about the prayers that go unanswered; the unfulfilled promises; the prophecies that never come to pass, etc. What do you do when you have a prayer that, as far as you can see, so far, has gone unanswered? 

I don't know why God chooses some people to heal, and others not. I don't know why some people suffer their whole lives from illness and then die from it. Or others who get cancer, their friends and family pray and pray, and yet nothing happens. Or the countless amount of women who live on their knees crying out to God for a child, but no child comes. 

What do you say to those people? "We're believing for your miracle" but no miracle comes? 

What do you do when you become one of those people? 

I think there is 1 of 2 things that happen in these situations; you either stop believing completely, or your faith gets stronger. 

Here's my story (it's not over yet, and a miracle certainly can come any day, but it doesn't stop the pain while I wait for it). 

I lived my entire life dreaming of having a family. A husband (check), beautiful kids (a lot of them), and a huge house to put them all in. I just always knew I wanted to be a mom; I mean, my middle name MEANS "mother!" How can I have a middle name that embodies everything I want to be, and yet when the time comes, it's so much harder than I imagined. 

I used to pray for "Hannah's" (1 Samuel 1:10) all the time. I used to believe for their future pregnancies, but I never knew a "Hannah" personally. I never saw them weeping in their bedrooms, crying out for a child, empty inside because they can't enjoy the basic right of being a woman: holding your newly born child in your arms.

I never sat with a Hannah and watched her smile slowly fade every time she realized she might never be a mom - at least not naturally. God could work a miracle, but while she waits, she hurts. And the comments from people, like "when are you going to start having babies?" don't make things easier, because you would have babies if you could. You and your husband are trying, but nothing is happening. That's not your fault.

I never knew a Hannah, until I became one. I find myself crying every Sunday during worship, kneeling down in God's presence like Hannah did, crying out for a child. I 100% believe that God will fulfill His promise for me to have children - but while I'm waiting, it's painful. All I've ever wanted is children at my feet, to teach, to love, to hold. It's my biggest desire, and yet my biggest struggle.

I don't know why God won't fulfill this promise now; I don't know why I feel this emptiness inside; but I do know one thing: God is good, and God is love. I may not understand Him at times, or the things He does (or doesn't do), but I know that He loves me and only has good things for me. If I need to go through a season of emotional suffering in His name, I will do it. Because I know He is good, and only has my best interests at heart. 

Something I feel God is asking me in this season of struggle and lack, is this: "If you found out that you would never have a child, that I would never do a miracle, would I be enough for you? Would I be enough to fill your emptiness?" That is a hard hard question, and I am still working on saying Yes.  

So what do you do when your prayers aren't answered? You believe anyway, and tell yourself "God is good, and God is love." 

"'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'" (Jeremiah 29:11 NIV)