Til Kingdom Come

Steal my heart and hold my tongue.
I feel my time, my time has come.
Let me in, unlock the door.
I've never felt this way before.

The wheels just keep on turning,
The drummer begins to drum,
I don't know which way I'm going,
I don't know which way I've come.

Hold my head inside your hands,
I need someone who understands.
I need someone, someone who hears,
For you, I've waited all these years.

For you, I'd wait 'til kingdom come.
Until my day, my day is done.
And say you'll come, and set me free,
Just say you'll wait, you'll wait for me.

In your tears and in your blood,
In your fire and in your flood,
I hear you laugh, I heard you sing,
"I wouldn't change a single thing."

The wheels just keep on turning,
The drummers begin to drum,
I don't know which way I'm going,
I don't know what I've become.

For you, I'd wait 'til kingdom come,
Until my days, my days are done.
Say you'll come and set me free,
Just say you'll wait, you'll wait for me.
Just say you'll wait, you'll wait for me.
Just say you'll wait, you'll wait for me.

-Coldplay

Making Changes

I am only starting to realize why I'm here in South Florida. I needed to make changes in my life; changing things I thought were fine the way they were. I forgot how much little things bring me joy. I kind of put my love and passion for writing on the shelf while I was in California. I didn't really have the time to do it with all of the homework I needed to get done, and then after school was over I was just so busy looking for a job or hanging out with friends. I forgot what makes me go crazy; what makes me smile; what makes my heart go THUMP THUMP. I also kind of left my creative, colorful glow tucked away.

Now here I am. Getting out all of those things I've missed so much. I got my typewriter out, my paint, all of my colorful pieces of paper, etc. I'm doing projects again. I'm not distracted all the time, having to find a job or find a place that's quiet. I've found my place of solitude again. And oh how I've missed it.

Then again, I feel like I'm living in two worlds. God taught me things in California that I couldn't have learned anywhere else. I won't forget it, either. Now it's time for me to take those teachings and learn something new. So here I am. In a totally different world, learning things that I never would have thought of; but it's what I need. I can't short circuit the process. Every detail in life is important. This phase is just as important as the last one. So, let's seize the moment, shall we?

South Florida

Being in Redding California for the past year, Boca Raton FL was a bit of a surprise to me. My family moved here while I was away, and I had never been. Driving around town, I felt like I was in a totally different country! Every building has pillars, a lot of the buildings are a weird pinkish/salmon color, TONS of palm trees everywhere, it rains every day for at least 5 minutes and you can feel the affect in the air (humidity), the drivers are so rude (I've learned that Miami ladies are NOT to be messed with on the road, or in the checkout at a grocery store for that matter). It takes an hour to run one errand, where as in Redding it may have taken 10-20 minutes, tops! The men treat women as if they were just a piece of ___...yeah. My sister has at LEAST 20 guys on her back at work. It's kind of a bit ridiculous. Simple things in the grocery store cost at least twice as much, even at Publix (a place for low prices). It's a different world.

Since being home, I've been learning how to keep my relationship with God on fire (not a low setting on the stove...a fire!) It takes more time and persistence than it ever has. The atmosphere is totally different, and everything is distracting! You really have to buckle down and know what's REALLY important to you. Focus. Focus. Focus. That's what I have to do. Even though I feel like getting back into my old sarcastic, fast paced way of thinking, I have to stop and remember who I really am and what I learned this past year. My close friend, Sam, told me that when he first met me I was mean and sarcastic. That was true. I really was. Because I believed my humor was the only thing I "had goin for me"...so I tried to use it to impress. But really, he said it was a total turn off. Thank God he didn't give up on me with that first impression! He got to know the real me, kind of showed me who the real me was. A lot of my friends helped me with that, and God showed me my true identity in Him. It's hard not falling back into that competitive, sarcastic thinking pattern. It's true, in a large family it can get competitive. I have to remember who I am, and that people would still love me without my "brutal sense of humor". Not to say I'm not sarcastic sometimes...but I don't need to take it to the next level (meaning, tearing people down).