In my opinion, it isn't about how much I weigh. Rather, it's about how the world views overweight individuals, and how that view shapes how women feel about themselves. My self-image can't be fixed simply by losing weight; it's never that easy. I think you have to change your mindset before you change your body, because our bodies are just shells of who we are. We try to use these bodies to express who we are on the inside, but not everyone is gifted with fast metabolisms, blemish-free skin, and perfectly working organs!
Sometimes we feel our external doesn't always represent our internal. I'm on a mission to change that. I want the world to see the confident Sarah I sometimes feel I am on the inside. Instead, too many times, the world sees an anxious, worried and self-conscious Sarah. I want my body to do what I feel I have a right to as a woman: carry children. I feel like a mother inside, but it hasn't manifested in my body. I feel I was meant to be fit and happy, but it hasn't manifested.
In the spirit of change, and aligning my body with my mind, I've changed so many things within the past 3 weeks. I finally feel a bit of hope that I could one day represent everything I feel I was made to be, on the outside and not just on the inside. When I tell people about the changes I've made, they think I'm being silly and it's just a fad that I'll soon drop. But I've never felt more like myself than I have in the past few weeks; why would I abandon that?
On a whim one day at Barnes & Nobles, I bought the Trim Healthy Mama Plan book. My moms best friend messaged me some months ago and told me about it; she encouraged me to try it, since there have been so many women who have struggled with infertility who after eating on the Trim Healthy Mama plan, finally were able to conceive! I didn't do much but a simple google search, and I guess the first thing I read was a negative review and it deterred me. But then that day in the bookstore I felt something tugging at me to buy the book, so I did. I read it within a week, and soaked up all the knowledge. I didn't start slowly; instead I jumped in wholeheartedly! I cut out sugar completely, cut out all junk food (I wasn't really eating much, but my guilty pleasure has always been ice-cream). I learned how to make all of my favorite kinds of food, but separating my carbs from my fats. I still get the energy I need from a carb and protein based meal once a day (my carb is usually whole grains/sprouted grains), and my other meals are so enjoyable and satisfying with healthy fats and proteins! I still enjoy sweet treats, but I don't use sugar anymore - I use a stevia sweetener.
I've been able to adapt much easier than I thought I could or ever would. I have a LONG way to go, and haven't lost much weight. No sign of a baby, either, but I can testify to feeling better. I didn't know that I could be happy and healthy at the same time. I thought I had to choose between the two.
I'm hoping that one day my outside will reflect my inside, but for now I'm glad to be journeying that way. This is not a diet. I want you to understand that. I am changing my lifestyle and the way I view food, so that I can finally be happy and free and healthy, inside and out! I am giving my best effort here, because I'm tired of being tired, or having cravings for ice-cream and almost always giving in to that craving and spiking my blood sugar and then crashing hard, and I'm ready to have a baby. It's been almost 2 years of trying, and if not eating sugar, among other things, will heal my body and help Daniel and I conceive, it's a sacrifice I am 100% willing to make for our future children! I know it's a process, and my adrenals need time to heal from the damage, so my body can achieve optimal health, so that my child has a healthy home to live in for 9 months. But I am finally excited again for that possibility of a child.
