Come Back To Me

The last couple of weeks I've struggled to get into the secret place with God, which is incredibly uncommon for me. I can usually get to that place fast and easy, and feel totally refreshed after I "leave". I even found myself saying to God "I miss you", as if I couldn't even feel Him around me. That led to me sort of giving up on trying to press into Him, which, as I realize now, was the total opposite of what God wanted me to do. He wanted to see me press in even more for Him, searching Him out, not settling until I found Him. I caught on a few days ago when I was sitting on my bed in the morning. My morning routine, for quite a while now, has always included soaking with Him. So I found myself totally lost, because I didn't feel like pressing in and working for His presence. But in that moment of loss and confusion, I realized that I would rather press in and find Him (or if I didn't find Him, still say that I tried), than to not have Him at all!!

There are seasons in our lives. One season I've been very familiar with was "ease". Everything was easy and I really just had to wait on Him. Then there's this unfamiliar season of pushing, and waiting for a response. It's unsettling, but I think as long as I get Him in the end...it's totally worth it!

Hazy

A veil. Hazy. Foggy. Mystery. That's what my life feels like right now. Like, everything is hiding from me - the answers are hardly ever clear. It can get so frustrating. God likes to keep everything on the DL until right before something happens.

Just to clue you in; I'm a planner. I may not be the most organized planner, but a planner none-the-less. I like knowing what I'm going to do before I do it. God, on the other hand, likes to break me out of my nice cozy shell and make everything super duper crazy! Ahhh! Sometimes I get tempted to tell Him to stop, but that would be pretty stupid. God knows what He's doing. And I can't bare the thought of Him actually stopping whatever He does just cause my head got in the way!

It is hard, though. Bittersweet, I guess you could say. On one hand, there's the realization that God knows what He's doing (no duh!) and always has my best interest at heart. And on the other hand there's my own need to know exactly what's going on at all times (pretty overrated if you ask me). But that's still how I feel, and it's hard to change that.

If we really think about it, we're in a struggle (I have this need to pull you into this too so I'm not alone. Hence the "we".) We sit there and we ask God for more adventure. "Oh God. I'm so bored with my life! Please, I just want to have a little adventure!" and blah blah blah (don't worry, I've prayed something like that, too). Then when He gives us what we want we're all like "Whoa whoa whoa Daddy! Hold the phone! Things are getting crazy...slow this buggy down!" Sheesh. We need to make up out pretty little minds. What do we want? Well, duh, we always want the opposite of what we have. Not always, but I really like using that word...it feels more powerful than "sometimes".

God will always give us what we need, though. If I can't figure it out, I know He will. And even if I feel like I'm being tossed around the boat, I can at least settle my soul with the simple knowledge that He controls the storm.