Which way will your heart go?

There's a song by Mason Jennings called "Which Way Your Heart Will Go". The chorus is perfect for my life right now:

"Where would I be right now if all my dreams had come true? Deep down I know somehow I'd have never seen your face; this world would be a different place. Darling there’s no way to know which way your heart will go."

Kind of tying into my last blog post, I'm so thankful the Lord hasn't given me all of the things I've asked for. If He had, I wouldn't be the person I am today; I wouldn't live in the place I live; I wouldn't have met all of the wonderful people who have truly changed my life. If He given me some of the things I've asked for, I would be on a completely different path. And I am just so blessed He didn't give me what I thought I wanted at the time, so that He could give me what I would need for the rest of my life.

Because "there's no way to know which way your heart will go". We could choose a way of life we never thought we would want, but it turns out to be perfect for us. So I'm looking forward to seeing what the Lord has in store for my life and my heart; who He has in store for me, and the life we will live because of His perfect plan.

God's Timing Is Always Perfect

If I've learned anything over the past 4 years, it's that God's timing is absolutely perfect. He never makes mistakes. I look back on the things I've wanted, the things I've pleaded with God to give me or the people around me, and now I'm just so thankful He never did. Of course there were things that He did give me, and I am so blessed for it. But there were certain things I've asked for that if He had given them to me, would have messed up my entire future!! All the plans He has for me, and the plans I've learned to partner with, would have been lost in my own wants and desires.

I'm not saying that desire is bad; God puts desire in our hearts, but timing is everything! If we receive something before it's time, we could potentially change our entire course of life. And I know now, that I would rather live out God's plan for my life than live out ANY of the plans I've come up with for myself over the years. My goal is to be in His will. When I'm in His will, I hear His voice for my life, which means that the desires in His heart become my desires! Our plans become one. We no longer have different plans; we have the same.

Then our prayers become something special. They become desires put into words, sent up to the Father's heart, and He can't help but answer them because the desire first came from Him. He will always answer them at the perfect time, though. When things are perfectly timed, you get that feeling, "it just feels right", because it is right.

I know impatience has been a big part of my life for several years. I used to, and sometimes still do, get very impatient for promises that haven't been fulfilled yet. Then I step back and look at everything: am I ready for this promise to become a reality in my life yet? Is it God's perfect timing? Patience really is a virtue. I need more practice, but I am getting better at waiting. Waiting is a gift, and when perfected it will save your life. I haven't perfected the gift of waiting, but I am getting better at it. Waiting on the presence of God, waiting for my future husband, waiting for a promise, etc. But at the same time, letting the desire for those things build inside (in a healthy way), praying into them, and then stepping back and watching God's plans for them unfold right before my eyes. It's a beautiful thing, timing, and I am so thankful God waits for the perfect moment to spring our dreams on us!

Puzzle Pieces

As I'm writing this, I have no title for this post. I'm not sure what to call it, because I'm not sure how I'm going to say what I want to say. Have you ever had one of those moments where you were just at a loss for words? As a writer, that doesn't happen very often to me (just being real). But then you stumble upon a song, a verse or a poem that your heart connects with, and it seems to explain all the feelings in your heart better than you ever could? Yeah, that's what happened to me.

"Til Kingdom Come

Still my heart and hold my tongue
I feel my time
My time has come
Let me in
Unlock the door
I never felt this way before

And the wheel just keeps on turning
The drummer begins to drum
I don’t know which way I’m going
I don’t know which way I’ve come

Hold my head inside your hands
I need someone who understands
I need someone, someone who hears
For you I’ve waited all these years

For you I’d wait 'til kingdom come
Until my day, my day is done
And say you'll come and set me free
Just say you'll wait, you'll wait for me

In your tears and in your blood
In your fire and in your flood
I hear you laugh, I heard you sing
I wouldn’t change a single thing
And the wheels just keep on turning
The drummers begin to drum
I don’t know which way I’m going
I don’t know what I’ve become

For you I’d wait 'til kingdom come
Until my days, my days are done
And say you'll come and set me free
Just say you'll wait, you'll wait for me."

-Coldplay

That's one song that really touched the deep parts of my heart. Lately the Lord has been speaking to me about love. Letting someone in; lowering my wall that I've kept up to protect myself. Sometimes I forget that Jesus protects my heart better than I ever could. To pretend like that wall could do a better job than the Lord's strength is foolish of me. I know why I have that wall (sort of); I've made mistakes when it comes to relationships, and I'm afraid to make anymore. But without risk how can there be adventure? How can there be love? God risked everything for us, and now we experience the greatest love there ever was; the greatest adventure mankind could ever embark on! Without risk, there is no love; no adventure.

"The Thief

Your eyes are full

Full of the future of us
The air changes as you look across
At me in that wondering way

It is as if
I knew you before we spoke
Do our hearts know something we don't?
Conspiring, converging without giving us any say

You, sing me to sleep
Talk down my walls
Look through my windows as I wait
You could be the thief
I give the key to

You're ruining me
With secrets and gestures and looks
With sonnets from second-hand books
Playing the chords in me nobody knew how to play

It fits in your hand like water in rain
It unlocks our two different selves
And shows we are the same
Rather than wait `til I put me out for the taking
You're breaking into my heart
And I'm letting you."

-Brooke Fraser

This song in particular spoke to me. Like I said, love has been one of the things God has been strongly speaking to me about. I've been wondering lately what love really looks like. Does "love at first sight" really exist? I know people who believe in it, and I know people who believe it's only a fairytale. I'll tell you what I think. Is it possible that God makes two people specifically for each other? Creating both of them with the other one in mind? Creating them as puzzle pieces, fitting perfectly together? If that's possible, once they meet, since they were created for each other, they instantly feel that connection; that spark. As if they just found their missing puzzle piece. Maybe that's what love at first sight really is; finding the one who was fashioned just for you. Like the song says "It is as if I knew you before we spoke. Do our hearts know something we don't? Conspiring, converging without giving us any say." Our hearts sometimes know the answer before our heads do. And that's okay. (: