This week I was forced (or, rather, I forced myself) to listen to a woman while she told me how irresponsible it is to get married so young. I didn't tell her I was getting married in November, and I definitely didn't tell her how old I was. Telling her would have made it even more awkward than it already was.
I'm not saying that I disagreed with everything she said. She referred to a lot of young women who get married without understanding the true meaning of love and sacrifice, who are working part-time jobs, and maybe think getting married will solve all of their problems. In those cases, yes, I would agree with her. But I wouldn't say that age is always the reason. There are a lot of adults who act like children, and a lot of children who act like adults. Sometimes age really doesn't matter.
People like to jump to conclusions; it's what we do. You see someone, you sum them up in about 10 seconds, you stereotype them according to your perceptions, and then you conclude your findings. "You're only 18 and you're getting married?1?! You must be 'In love'" they would say, rolling their eyes, of course. "Yes, we're in love," you might say, not thinking you needed to defend your relationship. And then the questions come. "Do you have a job? Does he have a job? An education? What about your 15 year plan? Don't you want to explore the world to see what it has to offer before you settle down? Don't you know people change? Have you seen the divorce rates for people who marry young? What happens if you fall 'out of love' as quickly as you fell 'in love'?" And they never end.
I'm not saying that those questions aren't valid, or shouldn't be considered. All I'm saying, is that when you love someone, you know you want to be with them for the rest of your life, and there's no one else in the world who could make you happy like that person, why wouldn't you get married? Why wait? (Please, exclude special circumstances; there are always some instances where you need to wait, and I understand that.)
I had another conversation with a fellow co-worker a couple weeks ago. He overheard me talking about getting married in November. The girl I was talking to was king me questions ("are you sure you're ready for that?" kind of questions), and I said something like "I've been preparing for marriage my whole life". My co-worker heard me say that, and did not agree with me. He told me "You can never be completely prepared for what marriage is. It's a wild, sometimes difficult ride." Yes, sir, I'm sure you're right. But all I said was "I don't claim to be fully prepared, only that I have been preparing my whole life." Then I told him my story about waiting for my husband, and praying and believing.
My final point: You'll never be completely prepared, no matter how old you are. It's better to live it, learn together, and join the wild ride of marriage. Things are always better when you have someone to share it with, anyway. :)
Thursday, April 11, 2013
Friday, March 8, 2013
A Letter For Little Girls
We are all chosen; born out of a dream in our Lord's heart before creation. Whether or not our parents' chose us, God did. He made us, He loves us and He wants us. There comes a moment in every girl's life where she must choose whether or not she wants Him. Choosing Him is not a simple and easy, 10-second-prayer we all see in church. It's a lifelong decision that is evident in our actions and our integrity.
Choosing Him does not mean that we can do anything we please, with anyone we please to do it with, and show up on Sunday morning to "wipe the slate clean". There is grace, and that is for everyone, but "the righteous man will flourish like the palm tree" and "the conduct of the pure is upright". If you choose Him, truly, than you must choose Him in everything. You will mess up, you will stumble, but He will pick you up and love you. It's about your heart - it's about your purity.
If you do choose Him, things will not always be easy. There is favor, and if you follow the Lord you will find favor, but there will be some who will seek to knock you down. Some people may want to take your light and snuff it out. Some people may just want you to be like them, because when they are around you, your purity convicts them. You have to learn to push through the desire to give in to peer pressure. You will want to give in, and that's natural. But keep your eyes on Him, and you won't. It's important to have a vision for your life when all you want is to feel loved like the other girls' around you.
When you go to school you'll see your friends' with boys', and they may let those boys' touch them and act inappropriately with them. They do that because they don't know who they are, and they don't know how precious or important they are. You have to remember, you are not an object - you are a woman. You will be married one day to the man of your dreams. Most likely, none of those boys' will be in the running when you're ready to be married, so don't spend your time searching for attention from them.
I promise, when you're standing in front of the man of your dreams, it will all be worth it! 20-30 years of your life is nothing compared to the next 60-70 years. Waiting 20 years for someone may seem crazy to some people, but I promise it really is worth it...
I want to tell you a story. My story. I never tell everyone the bad parts, because it always sounds so glum (until the end), but it wouldn't make my point if I didn't share it all. So here we go ----
I was a little girl, about 13, when I had my "moment". I decided to live my life in purity. Whatever happened, I would make the "pure" choice, every time. I promised myself and I promised God. I told God that I would save myself for my future husband, whatever the cost. That means different things to different people, but here's what it meant to me: I would not kiss boys, date boys, flirt with boys, or sleep with boys. These may sound extreme, but I've always been an extremist. God took me seriously, and I'm guessing so did the devil...because I had a lot thrown my way.
I'm a girl - so that means I want to be loved. It's hard sometimes, when you're 13-17 and you see all of your friends dating boys and you're the odd one out. It's hard when you long for something your whole life and you don't know why! It's really hard when, for some reason, the cute boy that everyone likes notices you and tells you you have "a pretty smile and genuine heart" and you have to say "I'm saving myself for someone special" (trust me, that never comes out right, and you'll always get a weird look...if I could do it over, I might have come up with a better line).
You will definitely lose friends who can't afford to be seen with the self-righteous, prude girl (but trust me, those girls' are the ones who need your friendship later in life, so just love them and look to something better). You will probably come home crying on at least 10 separate occasions, 1 of them being because you heard the girls' in the bathroom talking about you because you're the only girl in the whole school who has never kissed a boy. You will want a boyfriend, every day, especially when you see couples everywhere holding hands. But that's why you have a vision.
You see, I could never actually say yes to a date, or agree to be any one's girl, because in my mind I was already taken. I had vowed at 13 to be true to only one man - my future husband. How could I even think about clowning around in the backseat when I knew I had someone already planned for me? It was impossible.
So on lonely nights when I was without a boyfriend, and sometimes without girlfriends, I prayed. I would pray for my future husband, that God would protect him and, when the time was right, we would be together. It was that "still small voice" that helped me keep it together. He told me who I was when everyone else thought it was their job to define me. When everyone wanted me to follow them in their quest for fun, I followed someone else. I followed Jesus. And I knew everything would be OK, because He was with me. I knew, even if there was no one waiting for me at the end of all this waiting, it would still be worth it - because Jesus was, and is my first love.
I want you to know something, though. God is faithful. I don't believe I would have been prompted to promise myself to purity and waiting for my future husband if God didn't already have someone for me. All the waiting, the teasing, the crying, the lonely nights and the friendless seasons were absolutely worth every second. I made God a promise - I gave Him my whole life, I offered Him my future, and in return He made me a promise. If I would wait, patiently and prayerfully, for a man after His heart, He would fashion that man to be an awesome protector of women. He promised that the waiting would not be in vain; that He would send a man to awaken the desires in my heart and to feed the flame that was created for him. He promised a soul mate, a best friend, a man. If I would wait, he would come for me.
God kept every promise, in bigger ways than I had ever imagined. He brought me a man who called me out of the wilderness and loves me for all that I am. Daniel was, after salvation, the best gift God ever gave me. When I sat down with Daniel and told him my story, I think it was one of the very few times I've seen him get close to crying. Not from sadness, but happiness and conviction. He told me he didn't think girls like me existed. He told me how he use to pray and hope that he could have a wife with a pure heart. Later on he told me that was the moment he fell in love. I'll never forget those words. It made it all worth it.
Daniel was my first boyfriend, my first kiss, my first date, and honestly the first boy I'd ever held hands with. He is and will be my first everything and my last everything. That's special, and not a lot of people can say that. But I'm beyond happy I waited for the best.
Choosing Him does not mean that we can do anything we please, with anyone we please to do it with, and show up on Sunday morning to "wipe the slate clean". There is grace, and that is for everyone, but "the righteous man will flourish like the palm tree" and "the conduct of the pure is upright". If you choose Him, truly, than you must choose Him in everything. You will mess up, you will stumble, but He will pick you up and love you. It's about your heart - it's about your purity.
If you do choose Him, things will not always be easy. There is favor, and if you follow the Lord you will find favor, but there will be some who will seek to knock you down. Some people may want to take your light and snuff it out. Some people may just want you to be like them, because when they are around you, your purity convicts them. You have to learn to push through the desire to give in to peer pressure. You will want to give in, and that's natural. But keep your eyes on Him, and you won't. It's important to have a vision for your life when all you want is to feel loved like the other girls' around you.
When you go to school you'll see your friends' with boys', and they may let those boys' touch them and act inappropriately with them. They do that because they don't know who they are, and they don't know how precious or important they are. You have to remember, you are not an object - you are a woman. You will be married one day to the man of your dreams. Most likely, none of those boys' will be in the running when you're ready to be married, so don't spend your time searching for attention from them.
I promise, when you're standing in front of the man of your dreams, it will all be worth it! 20-30 years of your life is nothing compared to the next 60-70 years. Waiting 20 years for someone may seem crazy to some people, but I promise it really is worth it...
I want to tell you a story. My story. I never tell everyone the bad parts, because it always sounds so glum (until the end), but it wouldn't make my point if I didn't share it all. So here we go ----
I was a little girl, about 13, when I had my "moment". I decided to live my life in purity. Whatever happened, I would make the "pure" choice, every time. I promised myself and I promised God. I told God that I would save myself for my future husband, whatever the cost. That means different things to different people, but here's what it meant to me: I would not kiss boys, date boys, flirt with boys, or sleep with boys. These may sound extreme, but I've always been an extremist. God took me seriously, and I'm guessing so did the devil...because I had a lot thrown my way.
I'm a girl - so that means I want to be loved. It's hard sometimes, when you're 13-17 and you see all of your friends dating boys and you're the odd one out. It's hard when you long for something your whole life and you don't know why! It's really hard when, for some reason, the cute boy that everyone likes notices you and tells you you have "a pretty smile and genuine heart" and you have to say "I'm saving myself for someone special" (trust me, that never comes out right, and you'll always get a weird look...if I could do it over, I might have come up with a better line).
You will definitely lose friends who can't afford to be seen with the self-righteous, prude girl (but trust me, those girls' are the ones who need your friendship later in life, so just love them and look to something better). You will probably come home crying on at least 10 separate occasions, 1 of them being because you heard the girls' in the bathroom talking about you because you're the only girl in the whole school who has never kissed a boy. You will want a boyfriend, every day, especially when you see couples everywhere holding hands. But that's why you have a vision.
You see, I could never actually say yes to a date, or agree to be any one's girl, because in my mind I was already taken. I had vowed at 13 to be true to only one man - my future husband. How could I even think about clowning around in the backseat when I knew I had someone already planned for me? It was impossible.
So on lonely nights when I was without a boyfriend, and sometimes without girlfriends, I prayed. I would pray for my future husband, that God would protect him and, when the time was right, we would be together. It was that "still small voice" that helped me keep it together. He told me who I was when everyone else thought it was their job to define me. When everyone wanted me to follow them in their quest for fun, I followed someone else. I followed Jesus. And I knew everything would be OK, because He was with me. I knew, even if there was no one waiting for me at the end of all this waiting, it would still be worth it - because Jesus was, and is my first love.
I want you to know something, though. God is faithful. I don't believe I would have been prompted to promise myself to purity and waiting for my future husband if God didn't already have someone for me. All the waiting, the teasing, the crying, the lonely nights and the friendless seasons were absolutely worth every second. I made God a promise - I gave Him my whole life, I offered Him my future, and in return He made me a promise. If I would wait, patiently and prayerfully, for a man after His heart, He would fashion that man to be an awesome protector of women. He promised that the waiting would not be in vain; that He would send a man to awaken the desires in my heart and to feed the flame that was created for him. He promised a soul mate, a best friend, a man. If I would wait, he would come for me.
God kept every promise, in bigger ways than I had ever imagined. He brought me a man who called me out of the wilderness and loves me for all that I am. Daniel was, after salvation, the best gift God ever gave me. When I sat down with Daniel and told him my story, I think it was one of the very few times I've seen him get close to crying. Not from sadness, but happiness and conviction. He told me he didn't think girls like me existed. He told me how he use to pray and hope that he could have a wife with a pure heart. Later on he told me that was the moment he fell in love. I'll never forget those words. It made it all worth it.
Daniel was my first boyfriend, my first kiss, my first date, and honestly the first boy I'd ever held hands with. He is and will be my first everything and my last everything. That's special, and not a lot of people can say that. But I'm beyond happy I waited for the best.
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