From the battlefield to the bedroom

In my devotional time this morning, I was thinking over my life, the reasons why I haven't done certain things, and the choices I've made.  Most people who know me know my choice for purity.  They know that I've never had sex, and I don't want to until I'm married, but their knowledge doesn't really go much further than that.  I felt prompted this morning to write this blog about purity, and tell you why I choose this life.  If I leave anything behind when I die, I want to leave a legacy.  I want to be the example of purity in my children's lives, and incite a sexual revolution (of a new kind) in the hearts' of the people around me.

Purity means different things to different people; I want to tell you what it means to me by painting a picture.

I want to look back on the days when a man, literally, was required to fight for a woman.  If a man was to receive the love of a woman, he had to first earn it; he had to go through fire to earn the greatest gift a man could have ever received - a wife.  Only after proving himself and his honor, not only to the woman, but to the entire village or town, could he have the privilege of her love and take her to be his wife.  It's a beautiful picture.  However, those days seem to be long gone.  No more are the days when a woman was valued for her gift of virginity (in heart, mind, body and soul).  No more are the days when it was an honor for a man to marry a woman of purity.  No more are the days when he not only had to prove himself to her, but to her family, her friends, her community!

Instead, we live in a society where it's "uncool" to be pure; where the pure kid is the "prude" kid.  Our society says that if it feels good it must be good.  Instead of sharing our most precious gift (sexuality) with only one human being for the rest of our lives, we are trapped in a culture that says we need to have multiple sex partners so we "know what we like".  It says in Galatians 5:13 that we are called to freedom, but we shouldn't use our freedom "as an opportunity to indulge your flesh".

I was very blessed to have been raised in a home with extremely high standards and traditional values; where I was taught not to give away the rare gift I have to any man who is not worthy of it. "Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and then turn and tear you to pieces." Matthew 7:6. He has to earn the treasure. "A worthy woman, who can find? For her price is far above rubies." Proverbs 31:10
I know that my decision for purity has a lot to do with the home I grew up in, the community that surrounded me, etc.  But in my teenage and young adult years, I have had more than enough opportunities to throw it all to the wind and join the "sexually free" crowd of people.  But I didn't do it, because I have a vision.

I do not see myself giving my virginity away in a boys bedroom, in his bed, in his parents house with a very high risk of getting caught (ugh...what a terrible experience that would be).  I do not see myself paying for a crappy hotel room with cash because of fear of my parents seeing the charge on my card.  I do not want to put myself in a situation that is a danger to my health, my future, my peace of mind, or my soul.  I do not want to live my life in regret or shame because of one stupid, impulsive decision. I also don't want to get pregnant. haha...no but seriously, all the birth control and condoms in the world, sometimes, just can't prevent it from happening.  That's a risk I'm not willing to take.
I have a vision for my life, and it does not involve any of the above scenarios.  Instead, I want to live my life in freedom; freedom from condemnation, shame and guilt.  Free to do whatever I want, whenever I want, because I'll be MARRIED (which is gonna be awesome...one day...). I will give that gift away; the gift that I have fought to keep safe my entire life, on my wedding night, to my husband, because he will have earned the right to have my love.  To me, it's that simple.  I realize it isn't that simple to everyone, and I'm only talking about what I believe should happen, but not about how to do it.


As Kris Vallotton says in his book "Purity", we have to make it from the battlefield to the bedroom.  Because let's be honest here, life is a battlefield.  Temptation is very real, and even the purest people are tempted.  The evil one is cunning like a snake ("But I am afraid that as the serpent deceived Eve by his cunning, your thoughts will be led astray from a sincere and pure devotion to Christ." 2 Corinthians 11:3), but my God is good, and His goodness and His love are what keep me on track; it keeps me from biting, at times, the absolutely delicious looking apple. It is a battle, but we can win it.


It says in Hebrews 4:15 "For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have One who has been tempted in every way, just as we are - yet was without sin." Which means sexual temptation as well.  The Bible also says that Christ would never allow us to be tempted beyond what we can handle, and He will ALWAYS provide a way out, and a way for us to conquer it (1 Corinthians 10:13).
That doesn't mean that we should willingly put ourselves in compromising places because "there's no temptation we can't handle", because the Word speaks of wisdom as well.  In Proverbs 4:7 it's completely clear; it says, "get wisdom!"  And in Proverbs 19:8, "Whoever gets sense loves his own soul..."  Well my "sense" tells me "don't go into that situation; you're smarter than that!"  Just because we have the ability to resist temptation does not mean that we should be hanging out on the edge of the ledge just hoping we don't fall off... A pure heart without wisdom and understanding is most likely not going to last.


(I would like to say that if you have not lived your life in purity or you have already given away your virginity, the Bible says  in Hebrews 10:22 that you can "draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith, with [your] heart sprinkled clean from an evil conscience and [your] body washed with pure water." You can be washed clean and made new, and I fully believe that Christ has the power to restore your purity and virginity in heart, mind, body AND soul. I have a very dear friend who made the choice to give away his gift at a very young age, but he is living his life restored, and I believe he is pure again and that the Lord, in His grace, also restored his virginity.)

In the world we live in, it is very hard to find someone who values purity the way the Lord intended.  Purity should be celebrated, talked about, and honored.  If you value your purity, you will pray for a husband or a wife who will value and protect it in the same way, because they will understand the fight you have had to go through to keep it.
I am lucky to be dating a man who values my purity.  When I told him about my past, the decisions I've made to keep myself pure, the prayers I prayed...his reaction was unimaginable.  He told me that I was exactly what he prayed for, and that he felt so honored and blessed to be dating me.  Wow!  He feels honored and blessed to be with me? Amazing.  Daniel tells me all the time how much he loves my pure heart.  He doesn't belittle me for choosing a pure life, and he doesn't make me feel like there's something wrong with me because I'm "un-experienced".  God has blessed me with a man with a pure heart, who chooses to fight for me in a world where the fight has become "unnecessary" to receiving the "prize".

"Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things." Philippians 4:8