The heart of the matter

I had finished writing this blog post about an hour ago, and ended up erasing all of it. Sometimes what I want to say doesn't have to be as big as everyone wants to make it. So I erased the 5 paragraphs explaining what I'm about to say.

My heart isn't what I thought it was. My whole life, leading up to this past week, I've tried to make myself the tough one. One who's heart can't be broken, and one who doesn't open her gate to anyone. But I realized that there comes a time when you can't protect your heart anymore. You have to give it to someone else to protect. Love isn't love unless you share it. I realized that all of my efforts to protect my heart were pointless. I was trying to keep the key to my heart hidden from everyone. The problem with that is, it doesn't leave room for someone to know you truly and intimately the way God intended it to be. God created us to know one another deeply. Yes, it leaves room for hurt and heartache, but it's a love so passionate - a love I'm not willing to miss out on anymore.

You can protect your heart to an extent. It does say to guard your heart in the Bible...but not so much that you leave no room for intimacy. The One who made me is the One I can trust my heart with. He will protect it, and nudge me along. He'll let me know who to let in. I used to think that because my heart is soft, and my heart is easily taken, that I couldn't give it to anyone. I would be cheating so many people out of a real love if I chose not to give my heart to anyone because I may get hurt. That's so ridiculous. God made my heart the way it is for a reason. There are people in the world who need to know me intimately. God made my heart for people. To keep it to myself would be a crime.

Don't keep your heart to yourself. It was made for others. Your heart is on display - let people see the love God has put inside of you. Dare to be vulnerable. It'll sure set you free. :)

I think God decided to show me all of this now, for a reason. This time in my life there are changes. He's bringing along people, so I will be forced to open my heart to them. It will be hard to trust people not to make a mess of me...but we were made for each other. We were made to lean on another. We need real, honest, intimate relationship. Plus, it's preparing me for that one relationship I've wanted for a while. God's timing is perfect.