A Familiar Spirit

Fear and worry have gripped me several times. Since coming to Bethel, I have had these things broken off of me, and been free of them. Recently, they've been coming back. I find it easy to fall into the same habits when I don't guard my mind and present myself before the Lord daily. I know that worrying doesn't make anything better, but deep inside I feel bad for being happy when I have so many things going wrong in my life.

Money, for example, is a huge deal. I've never had to keep up with my finances like this before. I paid rent to my parents, but never like this. I have never had to worry about whether I would have enough for my next payment on tuition, or whether I would be able to pay for my rent. I've never had to worry about having a job or not having a job. But now - it's all changed. Everything was dumped on my plate when I left home. In the back of my mind I think, "why isn't God blessing me so abundantly when I've obeyed Him and left home to seek His face?" But God is blessing me. I just can't see the full harvest quite yet.

I need to trust. God has a prefect plan. And although the numbers say I owe a LOT of money, God says "I got your back, little one. Stay with Me." So, that's what I gotta do.